For much of my life, my unique voice felt stifled. I grew up in an environment that expected women to always act pleasantly, prioritize the desires of everyone else, and suffer in silence. That reality is common for many women, especially in the American South. I always knew I didn’t belong in that prim box, but if I didn’t fit within my own culture, where do I fit?
As a child, the resounding answer was, “I fit nowhere.” I enjoyed many privileges: whiteness, middle-class, and living in suburbia. However, we were always on the edge of financial collapse. There were times when my mom held down 3 jobs, trying to patch things together. My sister and I were her source of emotional comfort. Although my parents stayed married for decades, it was very toxic. I respect and appreciate my mom for working so hard for the family.
My parents stayed together out of tradition and obligation. It was an unhealthy situation for them and us as their children. The dysfunction prevented us from being seen and protected. When I struggled or was bullied, I couldn’t bring that load to anyone. When a teenager sexually assaulted me at age 10, I couldn’t confide in anyone about it. The women in my family admitted that similar things happened to them, but nothing could be done. The older I got, the more I saw myself falling into the same sad hopeless patterns as the women before me in my life, and I could not allow that to continue.
“I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.” – Maya Angelou
The values of motherhood, service, tradition, compassion, and faith are beautiful. However, we were never meant to cling to a value and abandon our identity. Who am I if I’m not just someone’s wife, mom, or daughter? In the current state of political affairs in the U.S., it is alarmingly evident that some would like women to stay subservient. In many ways, our society resembles a dystopian hellscape more than I ever thought possible. However, wherever love remains, there is always hope.
It took me many years to heal enough to uncover my own identity. Oftentimes, it still feels unnatural to allow my voice to come forth. I understand now, as a mother of three, that I cannot hope to love my children sufficiently until I love myself. It was a blessing to never fit the mold because it pushed me to search for my people.
History is filled with women who rejected the limits put on them. Let’s journey together and examine the lives of women who paved the way for the rights we enjoy today. Although many of these icons did not receive the respect they deserved in their lifetime, we honor their legacy every time we share their stories.
Researching powerful female trailblazers has emboldened me to live more authentically and fearlessly. It is a myth that women are the weaker sex. We are the bearers of human life, the natural heart of the family, the keepers of culture, and we are leaders. At a certain point, we must say, “Enough is enough! I will not allow myself to be silenced again!”
Curious HerStory 